Luckly I'm not that lucky...

I think of myself as a pretty decent human being. Like many, I do make irrational decisions from time to time, especially under the influence of alcohol, but I still try to be as responsible as possible when it comes to everyone else. This summer was supposed to be kind of a release from the repetition of my past years. I decided to do more things which, in turn, translates into more spending. Now that the summer is ending, I find myself more lost than I was before. A summer I was hoping to find answers seemed to almost confuse or move me back 3 spaces away from a path I was hoping to find. This coming fall I will be taking NO CLASSES for the first time in 3294032 years. All I will be doing is working and hopefully getting some grad school applications out. The thing is, I want to take the GRE's and I won't have them done until after this round of applications are over. I feel like I've wasted all this time this summer being unfocused instead of mapping out my future. I literally feel there is no direction in my life right now... an epic failure.

Continuing on with the notion of failure, it seems like anything that has to do with chance seems to have some special force that keeps it away from me. Its like I'm a magnet of positive polarity only to repel anything that's positive away from me! And it's gotten so bad. I could probably flip a two-headed coin and call heads, and the coin would land on its edge. Of course I'm not just talking about gambling, its basically any situation that deals with chance. I know, I know, you optimists will say, "well you're healthy, and you have a roof over your head, a job..", blah blah. Yes I'm greatful for that stuff, but that's not chance. All that shit is earned. I am a beacon of positive charge because I know that I try to do what's right and in the best interest for others. The thing about polarity is that for every positive end, there's a negative. In my case I must be like a membrane (if this post isn't nerdy enough, it's about to get a bit more so fast foward), positive on one side, negative on the inside... I feel like I think about everyone so much, but feel bad when I feel like no one thinks about me. Confused? I'm not tryin to be EMO, I just feel guilty to think things like that, but the more I think about it, the more I feel like I'm losing my "charge". I feel like the universe is trying to bring me all the negative charges and bind them to me, in essence making me neutral; nothing; plain; uninfluential. I don't know what it is and I don't know what I need to do about it. All I know is that I've met some great people this summer at the cost of losing (or gaining depending how you look at it) a little bit of who I am..

We'll see how things go this fall. I have so much shit to do it feels like it's gonna blow right by before I know it... Started up again with my basketball team, and though its fun, it really is a huge responsiblity. Then I have my best friends wedding in Jan, where I'm the best man and officiant. And of course the bachelor party which I'm super excited for. But where in this lies time for me? I'm goin to be working close to full time while coaching. When will I get my charge back? Will my luck ever change or continue to waterfall? Or will I suddenly depolarize like an action potential and quickly become negative!? I hope not, but maybe its what I need to shake this unlucky streak. Chances are I won't be that lucky.

Told you I'd be busy

It's almost been a month and I couldn't even find the time to write in this thing? Well I am now and don't be suprised if you don't hear from me until June.

So I've been busy. A lot of changes have been going on with me, in a positive way. I feel like these past few weeks of chaos have instilled a newfound sense of self-confidence. I was thrown into situations I wasn't ready for and feel like I handled them with courage and maturity. What I'm talking about specifically is my boy's first bball tournament, which we should have done better in. I was disappointed, but so were they so I think we're gonna come out in LA with a bit more sense of urgency. Like the playoffs, "win or go home!" Then I did my ride along on with the local fire department in which I saw nothing! We had two calls that were both cancelled. I guess that's a good thing in a medical sense right? Then I did my ER graveyard shift which was totally interesting because I've never done a graveyard shift, let alone, in the ER. It was definitely an experience, and one I will never forget. So with those hurdles accomplished, I feel like I've got my swagger back. Hell I even went shopping this weekend (being that it is my last free weekend) and went with a friend who is trying to help me upgrade or refresh my wardrobe. Whatevers, it was fun! =P. Just need a few more things, but I bet this is gonna turn into an obsession. O well, I could use a little confidence boost... Oh along with confidence boost...

We're heading into week 4 of my work's Biggest Loser competition. I know I'm not gonna win, but competitions always make me work hard. Aside from the big goal of Vegas in August, this competition is over first week of June. I've already lost 7lbs and I don't plan on losing any more. I want to sustain my "bulk", but I want to get a six pack. So far so good. Got a lot of sun (a bit burnt) so I can bring out some of my lines, but its not over yet. One more month, I'm gonna kick it into overdrive and get super cut! I'll post a before and after once the competition is over with. Well that's a quick update with me, nothing really on my head to discuss, just wanted to show my avid followers that I'm still here! Until next time....

Bitten off more than I can chew? Unexpected...

Ok so ever since I can remember, I've never really had the usual spring break. Either I was too young to do anything fun (that I can remember) or when I did get old enough, in other words, high school, I was working or doing homework or something... Either way, it kind of sucks. Day 1 of my spring break, I went to the gym with my coworkers for 3 1/2 hours, then went out to eat all you can eat pancakes after.. Of course I'm working so there was no way I could do anything like go to cancun or hit up Vegas or the typical. And to top it off, I get sick. Either way, things have been changing a lot and change is translating into stress. I see myself losing hours dedicated for myself. I do consider my workouts my time, but its not the same as just being able to reflect and relax and not worry about anything. So anyway, I decided that I'm going to my usual getaway, Tahoe. This trip was only with a couple friends, but it was a huge success and a lot of fun. I came with no expectations, and what I got was the unexpected. We arrived late to check into a room that only cost $38 (and it wasn't that jankie) where the key was just sitting in the mailbox. Either way, the place was a steal! Unexpected. Then we headed to Harveys so I can get my gambling fix and we all ended up winning! Unexpected. The next morning we wake up and go ride on the fresh snow pack. Sierra was pretty crowded and based on the weather (and the fact that it's freakin April), I decided not to wear my jacket because it always heats up during the day and I get too hot. Well it started to snow and I froze my ass off. Unexpected. Either way this trip was successful in that the things I usually suspect were absent by the unexpected. Good thing I had no expectations.



Lost yet? Moving on.



I do believe that busy can be a good thing, but the responsibilites can make being busy stressful. I am a basketball coach for 7th grade boys. I live and breathe basketball and consider myself knowledgeable and skilled. But at this grade, I know I'm not only a coach but a role model. I knew this responsibility when I took the job, but the politics behind it is starting to give me regrets. Sure my friends tell me that what I'm doing is a great thing, and I agree, everyone should try to reach out to the youth, but the politics behind this stuff is rediculous. All of this he said she said, talking behind people's backs, rumors and dishonesty is what is disheartening and its discouraging me to want to continue doing this great thing for the kids. That's right. I'm a coach, no I'm a person, who believes that at this age especially, club sports should be all about the kids, their growth as young adults and to teach them to respect and contribute to their community. But it's the parents, the other coaches and organizations that overshadow this once preached "mission statement"(back when I played) that now makes participating in this such a terrible thing for me. Do we want to encourage our kids that deceiving and winning is all that matters? I'm sorry, but I DON'T. Sure winning is great, but its not everything. Sometimes the best lesson is not how to win, but how to endure defeat. Take on the unexpected.. I will not be pushed over nor will I change who I am and the values branded in me. Because I won't confide, this is the type of shit that will most likely remove me; a moral, ethical, respectful 25 y/o from providing a service to my community youth (at least in the form or organized sports). I expected the "politics" to get involved. Parents want their kids to play cause of course they each think their kid is the best. I don't blame them, but you have to let them learn. No more spoon feeding them that they're the best because frankly, they won't put in the work. They won't ever stride to become better. They're lazy. The hardest part was the begining where my assistant coach and I had in instill basic fundamental basketball skills to these kids; skills that I was taught in church basketball and by my Dad all through out elementary school. These kids already think they're the best. I'm fine with that, but there's always room for improvement. It was just so unexpected.



So here I am now. I had a great time with some friends on my spring break to only realize that from April 17th- June 6th, I will have all but one weekend booked up dedicated to my kids. Unexpected. Overwhelming. Stressful. There is so much change going around right now. I even see myself changing a bit. Change is new and its hard for me. I think I'm going to learn a lot about myself through these next few months and after, but when will I have time for me...? Something's gonna give, yet everything is equally as important to me, so what now? Instead of having expectations, I have no idea what to expected... All I know is that I hope I'm hungry cause I sure have a lot on my plate to chew...

R&B

I think I have mentioned that I am an R&Bist. Its funny cause you can really tell the type of person, not by the music they listen to, but the music that speaks to them; music that seems to always connect to them. For me it's R&B and always has. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy listening to most types of music, but I am a hardcore R&B listener. I used to be embarrassed growing up listening to slow jams and smooth rock, but most are now regarded as "the classics". And now I could care less, in fact, I'll bump R&B with my windows down if I'm totally feeling it. Its something about the lyrics. Sure they're usually sobby, or sexual, or about love, but its not just about that. There are of course certain lines that make me go like "whoa", and I can name a few just off the top of my head:

"you're a positive, motivating force within my life"- Aaliyah (At your best)

"whenever I fall there you are, I know that my pain you feel in your heart, and when the life that I live seems so hard, there you are" -Sam Salter (There you are)

"...and every other day I get up and you're not beside me, I know that reality is the bad dream"- Sterling Simms (Bad Dream)

I can just respect some of the writing. I think what I connect to the most is that the music, not just the lyrics, but the music (tone, melodies, harmonies) are all made to express a feeling. A good R&B song you can feel the soul in it and that's where I think I connect to it the most. It's just honesty on paper. Stuff today is just pop flops. Whatever sounds good, trends, blah blah. No more meaning. No more heart. No more soul. I write music. I haven't in awhile because I've been so busy, but I'm currently listening to some of our stuff (DemoSoul= my friend and I) and it honestly don't care if it sounds good because it was written from my soul; what I believe is true R&B.

In case anyone was wondering, my friend and I chose the name DemoSoul because his name is Danny and I'm Mike so it was "De" and "Mo"= Demo. Though no one ever calls me Mo, the word "demo" kinda defined what we gave out; little snipplets of music here and there, nothing every really finished. Then I realized that I can't sing (unlike most the people auditioning for American Idol), but I felt like Danny could portray my lyrics with the feeling, the soul I wanted. And I figure since I write with the pen on my heart, why not tell everyone what we do with who we are, DemoSoul. Take a snipplet of my soul. Feel free to check out some of our stuff. I've mostly become the soul writer while Danny is the sole singer. Like that play on words ;)? Anyways I want to get back to this stuff... in due time.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=941456

I'll leave you all with on of my all-time favorite "classic" soft rock songs...
Had to have been one of the best lyrics ever, easily top 10 for me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGoWtY_h4xo

Brian Adams- Do it for you (Everything I do)








How could this not make getting off work a bit more beautiful?

A Hybrid

So here's to another random ass post about random stuff. It's 2:25 am, but its still 1:25 for me so I'm up. I'm getting my studying in, feeling a bit more confident about my test. I think that after tomorrows studying I'll be good. Now that my reassurance is out of the way, I'd like to share with you all my fun filled day...

Did I ever mention that I love to snowboard? I'm not saying I'm good or anything, but I fell in love with the freedom it gives me. If I were to compare my experiences to a typical activity, I'd compare it to running. I hate running, but respect the people that do it because they always tell me the same things. "Running helps me relax, helps me think, helps me get away, etc." That's what snowboarding does for me. I could care less about showing off and looking cool (though snow gear is soo steez). Snowboarding is my getaway. I grew up in a warm climate, no snow whatsoever, so the mere fact that I go to a snow environment is like a getaway in itself. Once I'm there, I'm free. I do enjoy riding with friends and laughing and goofing off, but every time I go up there is always a moment where there is a run practically by myself where I can take it all in. The calmness of nature, the freedom of the ride, the soothing R&B I'm bumpin' in my headphones. This year I've found myself to be riding a bit faster, a bit harder, only because the feeling I get. That being on the edge of out-of-control is when everything for me seems to become simple. When I'm flying down the hill(no lie, I'm going realllllly fast), all my petty worries, my insecurities, my so called problems, don't mean so much anymore. I guess the funny part about it is that I'm probably more concerned or maybe concentrated on staying in control. But either way, its a way of forcing myself to leave the elaborate world of worries, and escape to a primitive land of unbiased, unprejudiced, uncontrolled freedom. Then I get to interact with random people on the lift rides up; all sharing the commonality of having fun. Wow, what a concept, sharing. Most people are just sharing the experience and letting curiosity about each other's experiences trigger conversations. So simple. When I ride, everything just becomes simple. Sadly winter only comes once a year so I'm trying to embrace the few weeks of freedom I have left out of the season. Now I have to find something in the summer that gives me this feeling...

Days like these make me take a deeper look into myself. I spend so much of my time thinking about others and typically leave me to the end. When I ride, its all about me and the mountain, but in such an unselfish way its hard to describe. I'm not rude, cocky, or disrespectful. I even find myself stopping to check on people when they fall without a thought. Its like a reminder that I can't change who I am, no matter what I'm doing. I am and always will be a person who looks out for others. It's imprinted in me and I'm fine with that. But I like my independence. I like relying on me and only me, that way I can only let myself down. Is that hypocritcal? I want to look out for others, but don't want others to look out for me? I must be a hybrid of an oxymoron; a lone, people person; a dependable independent; an electric gas guzzler? Haha. That brings me to my next pic. Check this out. Did they even produce a hybrid hummer? Poser? Wait, if I consider myself a hybrid, does that make me a poser? hmm...

I'll leave you all with a quote my friend told me today that brought out the geek in her and I.

"Happy 'pie' day. Its March 14th, 3.14, so get celebrate and eat some 'pi'!"

Stuck between a rock and a hard place...

So here I go again. I knew it was gonna start to get crazy and it is. Back on the grind. I'm in the mist of taking a crucial test next week to determine if I'm going to be continuing my venture into the exciting world of EMS. What concerns me is that I'm not really stressing over it. Like I want to do well and pass it, but if I don't I feel like I don't care; like I'm taking it as a sign. I'm in control of this fate though if I study hard enough. I hope I do well, if not... o well. Then my basketball team has begun practicing again and this kids are terribly out of condition. Granted they're only like 12, and I am a bit hard on them, but I'm just reflecting what I got growing up except taking the good, competitiveness and mixing it with my personality, meanwhile subtracting the negativity I received. All in all, I'm excited that basketball is back, but man oh man do I sometimes wish I was just an assistant or a helper. The responsibility is a lot, not to just coach, but to be a good role model. More pressure that's all. Then there's just drama at home. A lot of things going on. My mom wants to get a puppy which is exciting so I'm really looking forward to that. But there's just tension in the house for the past few days and its days like these where I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can't take sides, I can't really make any points because honestly, I have no grounds to make any points. I have no money, no full time job, no benefits, I live at home, want to contribute to my family but I have nothing to contribute, and here I am thinking I need to do something with my life like NOW. Its funny how we can look in the past and compare them to how things are. I remember when I first moved out at UC Davis I was so excited, then soon realized all the things my parents did that they weren't around to do for me. I had to grow up. I used to think things were so hard back then, but reflecting on it, life was simple. I had purpose; I had reasons to do things; I had a path, a plan, a goal. I feel like I'm losing sight of mine right now. I really want to help my parents out. I can never tell what is really going on because they never tell me straight up, as if I was still their "baby". I'm gonna be 25, I keep telling them, and I want to help them. I want to quit my job and get something that will support them. Something that will cut off a bit more of their financial burden. I will look I guess, but I gotta make sure I don't skew to far from the big picture. I'm stuck.

On a whole new level, this blog, facebook, social media has gotten me in trouble yet again. I want to reiterate to my readers that this is a blog for me to get shit off my mind. It is not my intention to get a rise out of any particular people or a channel for me to gloat. I try and make some posts interesting but again I'm not trying to entertain anyone but myself. I feel that if readers can relate to me, even just a little bit, and provide any insight or positive feedback, the world would just seem a lot less intimidating and a lot more friendly to me.

Anyway, I'm stuck again thinking of another crucial decision which no one can help me with but me. I have a lot of figuring out to do. I've really matured from the me even just last year. Am I ready to settle down? Or am I just 25, I still gotta play. This place is hard and I'm stuck... damn these rocks...

Nature

Earthquakes, Tsunamis, Mother Nature, Human Nature. It's all breaking apart. What do we have to thank for it. Us. The world is fighting back. I'm a firm believer that the world does and will fight back for the damage we've caused to it. Every other "life" or beings live in a homeostasis with the environment but us... humans. We are a leech on the environment. Like the Matrix, we are a virus that overcomes the system to selfishly create only to benefit us. To bring the macro scale down to the micro, it reminds me of karma. For the past few days, maybe weeks, the phrase, "when it rains, it pours" has stuck in my head. I work the early shift on Friday's and am too lazy to prepare myself a breakfast before work so I always pick something up at the same fast food joint. For the past 3 times I have seen the same girl. She is very attractive. Something about her just makes me feel new again and that's intriguing since I haven't felt like this since the first time I saw my ex. Even my coworker, who knows my history has said that he's never seen me talk about someone this way before. Question: Am I ready to move on? Have I already moved on? At the same time, when I feel like I'm getting pushed away from one connection, it pulls me closer again... "when it rains it pours". To feel like I have no options to having to much. Why can't things be simple? Why can't I just be easily pushed away to encourage myself to pursue someone else instead of getting caught in emotional dilemmas. I really care for someone, but I'm screaming to move on since she's not trying to reciprocate. Things always have to be done the hard way to be learned, human nature. I guess sometimes you have to endure a little bit of hurt to see the right way, human nature. I guess sometimes we have to face tragedy, before we can learn from our mistakes, mother nature. Sometimes we just have to let nature take its course without trying to control it, nature...

Next Friday I will take the next step and get the know my Friday morning wake up call. Will I be ready, I honestly don't care. At this point I feel like all I can do is just let nature take its course.

The Invisible Man

I think the hardest thing to have to endure is caring for someone so much and not get it in return. This has nothing against any particular person, and of course it's all subjective, but to have to feel what its like to feel like you're not cared about as much as you are giving forth has to be one of the worst feelings ever. Forgive me for the comprehension as I am blogging with a few drinks in me. But it's not a good feeling. Its like no matter what you do; no matter how hard you try; you can't earn the respect you think you deserve. Maybe its not the respect, but maybe the merit for the effort you've put forth. Maybe I'm being selfish... I know I'm a good guy. I know I have features that are valiant to many people. The worst part is that in my past I have always come short to the people I care about the most. I'll never be satisfactory with the person that means the most... me. After every breakup I endure, trying to figure out the reason for things, I always try to "improve" myself to make me a better me. I think the worst part is that I've spent so much time trying to improve something that may not need improving? I will never be content with myself. I've grown up dealing with the worst criticism, teased for being too short (then I got really tall), to being judged for being too weak and skinny, to being cheated on... twice (which is the worst shot to one's self confidence). Then I learned from my mistakes. I "improved" my physical appearance. Put on 40 lbs, changed the clothes I wear, blah blah blah. In the end, in today, I'm still not good enough. I know yourself is your worst critic, but this is rediculous. I have some great friends who always remind me of how good of a person I am, how good looking I am and etc. I'm grateful for them but it just doesn't hit me. There are many times I ask myself... why I am I working so hard for this? What is the point? No one sees me.. I wasn't good enough in the past, I'm not good enough now. "...to you, all I am is the invisible man".

Am I being selfish? I just want you to show me you care. I will always care. It's who I am. I won't change. The people I meet today tell me the same things about me as my friends in middle school. Sure I'll put on different clothes. Sure I'll put on the abercrombie physic. It doesn't mean shit to me until you notice me. I used to tell myself I do this for me. Sure some of me does, I like to be healthy, but do you think I put in countless hours of hard work in the gym, countless hours at work because I like to? NO. I want to be noticed. I want to appear to be someone different from the usual. So much do I have to fight the stigma of the fucktards that taint my chances at letting someone know who I am, because I am "a guy". Fine. Most likely I'll keep doing what I do, keep being who I am. But just know that I'm not content until I'm notice; until I'm respected; until I'm cared for the way I would notice, respect, and care for the people I interact with everday. My drunken rant is over.






Discover me.

Fortune Cookie

Happy Chinese New Year to anyone who celebrates it! I don't really "celebrate" it, but my family usually gets together for it so I guess it's a festivity. So I was sitting in my room chattin' it up with a close buddy of mine and I look to the right of my desk and see a fortune cookie (packaged of course). I got that cookie earlier this year and decided not to open if for some odd reason. Tonight was the night to open it... I figured, nothing has really changed for the 2010 new year and its been a month and a half already. Then it hit me! Oh yeah I'm Chinese, so maybe this is when my year starts! Just trying to kick up my imagination. Anyway, I decided to open it and see what my fortune has to say for this new chinese year. It said, "If given a penny for every kind act, you'd be a millionaire". Now I don't want to sound self-centered, but this is the best "fortune" I've ever got! It really kind of hit me, at least enough to blog about it, that I am a nice guy. I do try and go out of my way to be kind, not because I'm trying to be someone I'm not, but because it is who I am. I just do. I just am. This fortune really reflected a fortune of me! It's kind of nice to hear it (or read it in this case), and from a divine perspective, maybe I was supposed to get this fortune cookie. Maybe I was supposed to open it tonight. Maybe someone or something is reminding me of who I am in the turmoil of the past months being cataclismically confused about who and what I am. Right now, I feel like it doesn't matter what I am, or what direction I need to go. Because of who I am, I will be ok. Money doesn't make you rich. It's the acts you bestow on the people around you; the interactions you create; the contageousness of happiness born by a smile. I am who I am. Right now I feel like a millionare. I am the richest man in the world... Kind of.

Here's a Turkey.

Food for thought.

It's not talking shit if it's the truth.

Happy ALL-STAR GAME day. Yes today is Valentine's Day. Another Hallmark holiday. Love should be celebrated everyday, not just today. You should want to do something special for that someone on any random occassion like, uh, because you feel like it, not just because some holiday says so. This year, like the last, Valentine's Day is a reminder for the rest of us with a nonfulfilled significant other void that we are alone. A slap in the face to let you know that NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU.

Ok, that was a bit harsh. But in reality, that is the real. It's not talking shit if it's the truth-spoken by my friend tonight. People say its all in the outlook. True. But days like these where you see, feel, smell, the "love in the air", it can really make one, more specifically me, sad. I'm not the type of guy who likes to go out and pick up girls and get the numbers and never call them. My friends are like that, and I respect them for who they are, but I am definitely a different breed. I like doing things for someone. I like knowing I make someone smile, make them happy; give them that feeling of butterflies when they think of me. Call me a hopeless romantic if you want. It's not talking shit if it's the truth. Look at me. My friends say I'm tall, clean cut, intelligent, athletically fit, responsible, sweet guy who can get anyone if I tried. But I don't want anyone. I want her to want me. I mean really, my favorite genre of music is R&B. That should pretty much tell you the tone of my life.

This Valentine's Day is going to serve to me as a reminder of how much I've cared for certain people in my life. To reflect back on my past Valentine's Days, all I can say is damn. If you are out there, and I am lucky enough that you stumbled on here to read this, I can only hope that you would show half the dedication, effort, and love I've put into this holiday on me. I wonder what it feels like...? Don't get me wrong. I've had some great past V-days, but I can honestly say I've put a lot into this holiday and it would be nice to get some of that back... (get back not take back).

On that note, I will post some lyrics to a song I've wrote with a picture of probably THE happiest time of my life (so far).

Chorus
Your eyes spell beauty,
Your smile shines purely,
Could you be the one?
Please tell me, tell me...
You got me stuck and I wanna be,
The kind of guy that's your only.
Could you be the one?
Just tell me , tell me...

Verse 2
I feel real when I'm around you.
You make my skies turn blue too.
You complete me, you hold the key,
To unlocking all of love's eternity.
We fit together like hoodies in stormy weather,
A perfect song written like "Now and Forever".
A fairtale, I'm telling you rescued me.
Heaven sent, like an angel playing destiny...
.
.


"True love never dies"

Memories...

Let's kick this up a notch. I'm going to start adding pictures in this bad boy if I can so THE WORLD, or at least the 1 or 2readers I get every 3 months, can get a glimse of what goes on in my life! EXCITING!

not really...

But I'll try none the less! This week is "Doppleganger" week, meaning you're supposed to put up a picture of a celebrity on your facebook that you've been told you look like... I put my friend Bryon up because all throughout high school we would always get confused for each other, even by relatives! I won't post it up as you can check my facebook for his model pic I put up. I don't see any resemblance. Here's what I really wanted to put up, I get this ALLLLL the time.


LEONIDAS!!!!

OK OK... Minus the facial hair, and the abs. Oh and my pic is not edited like his! The picture just came out funny on that person's camera... I mean my camera. On that note, a dude at the gym was asking if I'm trying to bulk up today. Hmm, not really? But thanks for noticing!? Hopefully I'll be seeing that guy around as he said it was his first time in a long time. I know how hard it is to get started. No fun. Ok onto more pictures!

Most of the time I'm taking inspirational pictures of clouds and sunsets and rainbows and blah blah blah, or of my friends doing rediculous stuff. But here's today's inspirational picture with some inspirational words of wisdom from yours truely...

Real beauty can be found all around us if we take the time too look at it. It shouldn't have to be looked for. We are presented with it at any given moment. I feel that what we find beauty in is a reflection of ourself. Everyone's different. If you can't find beauty in anything, then you must be pretty damn ugly. This pic was taken today at a stoplight in my neighborhood on my way home.


Don't expect every post to be like this one. I'm really really bored and its pretty late as usual. In fact, this has to probably be the most random post I've made yet. I apologize. The creative writer in me will return soon to vent about more focused topics. GOODNIGHT.

In Search of a Title

Its a new year and I need something to say I've accomplished. Hopefully it will be a mulitude of things (i.e. getting into a grad school), but I will settle for the first step, EMT-B. I am taking the EMT-B program at CRC and it looks interesting. I think this will really test the waters to see if I really want to do something more "in the field" versus, in a clinical setting. This year is going to be an interesting one, albeit a sucky one probably as I will be turning 25. Now I know there is no such thing as a quarter life crisis, maybe because I never hear anyone say that but me, but I think I am experiencing it. THINK about it. What would you think about in your quarter-life? I'm sure most of us would be asking the same questions: What direction am I going in life? Am I making the right career decision? Is it time to grow up and being thinking about settling down? Family? House?
See there is such a thing as a quarter life crisis. No I'm not going to go out and buy a big kid toy because, frankly, I can't afford it. But I do need to find inspiration in something to keep me going. I've been stuck in a rut for the past 6 or so months. I don't see myself going anywhere, and when I do I question the validity of it. If its the right way? Everyone I talk to (mostly older patients at the clinic) say, "you're still young" blah blah. Thanks for the compliment, but I feel like I don't have the time, energy OR resources to make a decision that's a mistake. I want to be happy in a decision that will affect the REST OF MY LIFE. On that note, money may not buy happiness, but is sure does make things easier, especially to those who know how to stretch it. Sorry Diddy, more money does not mean more problems. Its only a problem if that's your main focus. So like I said, I want to be happy. Content. Comfortable. Enthusiastic. All and any other adjectives to describe a good, long life for me and my family.

On that note, 2012 was a pretty crappy movie. Happy blogging everyone.