Felt like a memory...

Yeah, so last week I thought I was having such a good week. I thought that I was evolving, adapting, becoming more like ME. Then Sunday night came. I must have spent too much time on the internet lounging at old albums and reminicing because I had not just a dream, not just a bad dream, but a memory. It was so swarovskian clear that I can honestly tell you that it felt like I relived a handful of great memories. Weird huh? It gets weirder. It started off fairly innocent, like a dream, where my subconscious was trying to imagine, foreshadow how things could be in the future. It basically seemed like a test, and so far I was passing it. Then something changed. The test took a drastic turn, introducing a curveball that I didn't see coming. At this point I failed. She took my hand, placed her head on my shoulder and said "I miss this"... and I did too. The crazy thing was at that point in my "dream", I realized I was dreaming, but I couldn't do anything about it. We carried on, laughing, enjoying being with each other, as I relived all of the little things that usually go overlooked, but now felt so important and valuable. But did I want to feel this? A part of me felt good to feel this way again, another part felt like I was going though self-torture, since I knew I was dreaming, yet couldn't do anything about what was going on. Confused yet? I am. I was doing so well... I thought I was doing so well. I still care way too much. 5 weeks. Back to square one without a single word...