Two days in a row...

I've come to realize that when you get close to someone, real close, where they actually become a part of practically everything you do, (your thoughts, your actions, your decisions) when all is said and done, they never really leave you. In this day and age, you can never really fully block out someone. There's always friends of friends that know them, word of mouth, and facebook/myspace. What sucks the most is, no matter how much it hurts to be reminded of them, you find yourself self-inflicting the pain by seeking out information about them. You wonder how they're doing without you, are they better off, have they moved on... I thought I was getting stronger, more confident, but I was wrong. I am still weakend by my own actions. The very actions to which I can control. Its funny how quickly one single word or action could mean so much, even when I know it shouldn't, but it did. There's a difference between being untaken, and single. Think about it...

Yesterday I was untaken. Today I am single.

Another Day, Another Dollar

So I should be studying right now, but instead I'm sitting at my desk, eating Capt'n Crunch and watching Ocean's Eleven at midnight. Yeah that's pretty much how my week goes. I barely have any time for me anymore, and the free time I do have, its dedicated to eating, working out, and sleep, instead of studying. I'm working the most hours I've ever worked while going to school. Granted its only 1 class, it is a night class and it has a lab, and I work every single day. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE where I work, and its already been a little over 3 months and I still feel the same about it. I have the greatest bosses, the most fun PT one could work with and all the aides, I can tell, are going to be friends of mine for quite some time. Things couldn't be better. It rained and poured, as the saying goes, good things. Then it stopped and just started to get cold. First I find out that a huge part of my life has to end, and though I feel better knowing where I stand, I can't help to feel like I've fallen. Then a new PT joined the clinic and he's throwing off the mojosphere. I hate to bicker, as I am usually the ear to help someone else get things off their chest too, until recently. I've become the voice and it really brings me down. I can tell it just isn't me lately. I feel bad for the people around me as I am constantly distrupted by the skewd coarse he puts me on early in my day/week. As my mom always says, "there are going to be people who always want to bring you down. All you can do is be you, and do what you do. Keep getting back up, and one day you'll be at the top". Reminds of of the D-Wade commerical, "fall seven, up eight". The constant struggle but in the end still remain standing. So that's what I'm going to do. Endure. Stand.

With all this ruckus going on during the week I also find myself working out harder. The gym has always been my gateway to stress release, and it seems to still do the job. The good thing is that I can actually see something positive out of this, the bad thing is that it also probably contributes to my fatigue. Then there's the bitter sweet weekend. Sweet because I'm free, bitter because I want to do so much but can't in 2 days. Just to list a few... snowboarding, basketball, hang out with friends/ coworkers, watch NBA, go see a movie, study, but most importantly yet never achieved, SLEEP. Maybe I need to cut some of my hours. But like I said, I love where I work. My coworkers make it fun and the money is money! I must also mention that it almost feels weird to have no one to spend it on but me. I guess that's a good thing? Who knows. I'm still pretty lost. I had a great weekend last weekend with a small group of friends. Got to erase reality for at least a couple days. But I've been going too all out. Though those times are rare, I need to make sure I do them sparingly. I'm more of a little things are more fun than the big things kinda guy, and so is my wallet.

Ok well my cereal bowl is empty. I'm glad I got to get some of this stuff out of my head. I think I can sleep better now. Today is now Wednesday. And I'm glad its Wednesday. Hope you enjoyed the way my mind wanders and writes! =D